On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
