Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
