She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
