Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
