I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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