So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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