Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
