I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
