the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
