I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my fart just growled at me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
