Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
