I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
