he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so let's talk penis.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
