theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
