im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
