I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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