we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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