u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
