he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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