I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Come on in and take your pants off
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