We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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