Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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