He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
