good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
