My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
