if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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