her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
