Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
