so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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