trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
