great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
