I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
