i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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