nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
