im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
