I seem to have left my pride at pride
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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