Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone came in the potted fern
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
