how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
