i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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