ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
