Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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