Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
