I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
