Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
