Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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