I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
