is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
