Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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