saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
