Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
