I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
