you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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